Rereading The Courage to Be Disliked Left Me with a Small Question

Reading It Again After a Long Time

The other day, I reread The Courage to Be Disliked for the first time in a while.

The Courage to Be Disliked is a Japanese bestseller that explains Adlerian psychology through a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man.

Adlerian psychology is based on the ideas of Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychologist. One of its key views is that people are not simply trapped by the past. They can choose how to live from this point forward.

One of the most famous ideas in the book is the “separation of tasks.”

What I choose to do is my task.

How someone else receives it is their task.

By drawing that line, the book argues that we can stop being controlled by other people’s evaluations. That is one of the central messages behind the title, The Courage to Be Disliked.

When I reread it, I felt I understood it much better than I did years ago. Maybe that is because I have gotten older. Or maybe it is because I have seen too many difficult workplace relationships.

As a theory, the separation of tasks still makes sense to me.

I especially feel this when looking at social media.

Someone posts something. People agree, disagree, unfollow, block, and sometimes a post even catches fire.

But relationships on social media are basically relationships that can be cut.

If you do not get along, you can leave.

Even if someone dislikes you, life continues.

That is why the courage to be disliked works very well there.

Are Social Media and Work the Same?

But after closing the book, I found myself thinking for a while.

What about real work?

Relationships with clients.

Relationships with bosses.

Relationships with business partners.

Relationships with teams that continue for years.

These are different from social media followers.

You cannot end them with one block button.

“How others think of you is their task, so do not worry about it.”

Even if that is true in theory, in reality, that evaluation can end a contract.

It can get you removed from a project.

It can affect your promotion.

Your living expenses are involved too.

Honestly, for many working adults, being disliked is not just an emotional issue.

It is a survival issue.

That is why every time I read The Courage to Be Disliked, I feel that something is slightly missing.

Not about being disliked itself, but about this:

How do you survive after being disliked?

The book does not seem to talk much about that.

My Practical Answer

I have felt this especially since becoming a freelancer.

In the end, maybe what we really need is not only the courage to be disliked.

It is this:

Build a life where being disliked does not destroy you.

Do not depend on a single client.

Build technical skill.

Have market value that lets you change jobs.

Keep an emergency fund.

Only when those unglamorous preparations are in place can a person really become free.

If you are standing on the edge of a cliff with no foothold, being told to “have courage” does not help much.

You can jump because you have a safety harness.

Jumping without one is not courage. It is recklessness.

What Would Adler Say?

Still, I also think Adler himself would probably disagree with my framing.

In Adlerian psychology, the separation of tasks is not the goal. It is the starting point.

It is not a theory for distancing yourself from others. It is described as a foundation for living cooperatively within a community afterward.

In other words, Adler was probably not saying:

“Live however you want, even if people dislike you.”

Do not try to control other people’s evaluations.

But contribute sincerely as a member of the community.

If you are disliked as a result, accept it.

That is probably closer to his position.

When I think about it that way, it does make sense.

You cannot control another person’s feelings.

But you can choose your own actions.

The problem is that the cost of practicing that ideal is higher than it sounds.

Especially inside Japanese companies.

Bank Balance Before Philosophy

So my conclusion today is very ordinary.

If being disliked costs you your job, the philosophy does not help much.

So first, strengthen your base of living.

Improve your skills.

Increase your alternatives.

Build a state where you can think, “Even if this place disappears, I will somehow manage.”

Only then can you hold a little bit of The Courage to Be Disliked.

In the adult world, maybe your bank balance has to come before philosophy.

Thinking about that, I am still writing replies to clients today, carefully choosing my words.